Primal Prime Rib (Nairobi and the Maasai Mara)

Stepping off the plane at Jomo Kenyatta International Airport, we had the feeling – for the first time in a couple months – that we were truly venturing into the unknown. We’d learned a lot in India, and made some great friends, to the extent that by the end we were starting to feel quite at home. Even during our early adventures in Delhi and Rajasthan, we mostly found ourselves following in the footsteps of legions of scarf-toting travel bloggers, which meant that we knew what to expect – even if the congested, noisy, aromatic reality took some getting used to.

Kenya, on the other hand, would be our first encounter with Sub-Saharan Africa, and a giant step off the well-trodden backpacker route. East Africa is not at all geared towards budget travelers, and doesn’t attract too many as a consequence. At the luxury end, travelers tend to keep themselves fairly well-removed from the real world, and are driven or flown from place-to-place while barely setting foot in the country proper. Our expectations, therefore, reflected a heady mixture of classic adventure literature and international news headlines (which tend to range from dramatic reports on crime and corruption, to wildly optimistic economic growth updates). And when, two minutes after leaving the airport, we passed a zebra hanging out next to the highway, we knew we were not going to be disappointed.

Fresh from our voyage across the Arabian Sea, lamentably not via dhow

On top of all of this, our first visit to Kenya had a particular significance for Jess, since her Mum’s side of the family spent many years in and around Nairobi. Jess grew up in a house where “paw paw” (i.e. papaya) was hailed as the breakfast of kings (albeit the small, excruciatingly expensive British version), and where avocado was popular long before it was cool.  Stories of snakes coiled in toilet bowls, and extreme measures taken to escape monster ants, only added to her excitement – and Ethan’s, once he’d been fully briefed. Jess’ family flew over from the UK to meet up with us halfway through our trip, since nobody wanted to miss out on such a long-awaited adventure, and we had an amazing time learning and re-learning about the country together.

Several generations of power moseyers, and the church where Jess’ grandparents got married

First Impressions

Nairobi was a very different place from anywhere we’ve been before, and we were quickly won over by the genuine, friendly, and laid back locals. The music was fantastic and everywhere, all of the time. The traffic was dense but somewhat organized – while the absence of honking was initially a little eerie, we quickly readjusted from India – and people sometimes used seat belts! And the matatus (private minibuses) zipping past were all expertly decorated in homage to various English football teams, American basketball players, and rap legends. The overall impression was one of relaxed, low-key competency, spiced up with plenty of humor – and we loved it.

The ideal matatu for when things get hairy at the market

There were some startling echoes of India, which stem from the huge community of Indian expats in Nairobi. Most notably, chapati is the breakfast of choice. But here, chapati is a weighty, greasy, masculine affair, at least triple the size of anything we encountered in India. Samosas, too, are widely popular – but as with most food, there’s no vegetarian option in Kenya. On the other hand, we relished the newfound access to proper beer (apologies to our Indian readers, but Kingfisher just doesn’t cut it in the long run) – Tusker is crisp and flavorful, and the perfect accompaniment to some deep fried things…of which there were to be a lot of…

Mouth-watering, heart-attack-inducing, fried Tilapia (we hear it’s a favorite of Mark Zuckerberg), washed (swum?) down with a couple of bottles ofTusker

We heartily enjoyed several great Ethiopian meals while in Kenya – like Indian food, it’s not particularly photogenic, but take our word that it’s very tasty

British Roots

We were both struck by the “Britishness” of Kenya. Unlike in India, the electrical outlets still match those in the UK. The currency remains Kenyan shillings, and they are commonly referred to as “bob” – old-fashioned British slang which we were more used to hearing in classic TV shows. Similarly, “loo” and “chemist” are standard terms, although they may mean little to our American readers. Karen, once a wealthy suburban hub for expats, remains home to some staunchly British, aging residents, although it was engulfed long ago by the burgeoning city. It’s still possible to while away the afternoon at the Karen Country Club, and a trip to the local shop involves bumping into a familiar crowd of sun-kissed, deck-shoed locals.

It seemed to us like two factors played into this phenomenon, unlike what we observed in India – first, Kenya only gained independence later, in 1964, and was towards the tail end of decolonization movements around the world, so the leaders of the new government could learn from the challenges that faced other newly independent nations. Furthermore, Kenyan leaders made a deliberate effort to retain British residents: recognizing the valuable contribution they were making to the economy, they quite unemotionally (or perhaps against their emotions of the time) resolved to maintain a positive relationship with the UK. Vitally, this meant that while many post-colonial states experienced periods of turbulence and economic stagnation, Kenya made a smoother transition into independence, although it has still encountered its fair share of problems.

Corruption has been a recurring and highly significant issue in government and business circles – and while anti-corruption measures are highly visible, they have mostly proved to be ineffective

The Lunatic Express

Kenya was a state largely created by a railway line. The Kenya-Uganda railway line, constructed at the turn of the 20th century, heralded the arrival of the British, and led to the founding – and the explosive growth – of Nairobi. A ridiculously ambitious project from its inception, the construction of the railway ran massively over budget and behind schedule, and left thousands of casualties in its wake, largely from the virulence of tropical diseases to those ill-adjusted to them. In an effort to justify the outsized cost, British authorities encouraged immigration and cultivation on a large scale, and in doing so they planted the seeds of modern Kenya. Of course, in the process they seized the land of local Maasai, Kikuyu, and other tribes, who had previously felt no need to implement a system of property rights over the areas that were seized. The ensuing fight would escalate over the course of more than half a century.

Soon after we arrived in Nairobi, we paid a quick visit to the Railway Museum which documented the history of the Line, and contained many colorful artifacts from it.

If sitting on an open bench above the tracks attached to the very front of a train engine surrounded by lions is your thing, you would have thrived in the true “first class” of the Lunatic Line in the early 20th century. Of all the people in the world, who do you think was most likely to have used this seat? (You get one guess)

Liability waivers were also a thing back then, even for Teddy Roosevelt…

“I think I can, I think I can”

Construction of the Line was plagued by the Man Eaters of Tsavo, two lions that took a liking to the flesh of railway workers and consumed several dozen of them while evading hunters over many months. The least fortunate of these hunters was a certain Charles Ryall, who dozed off while lying in ambush for one of the lions in this very railcar, and consequently became a lion’s meal

“I’ll have a G&T Jeeves” – the fading luxury of the old carriages

The area around the Museum now host a small artists group that has brilliantly decorated some of the surrounding walls with murals

The Wild City

Nairobi sprang into being in a region which was, at the time, the absolute middle of nowhere, and its size belies the fact that it is inconveniently situated on top of a former swamp, in the mountainous center of the country, without access to the sea. Originally a supply depot for the railway, it rapidly became a base for workers, traders, and hangers on. Such was the grime and chaos associated with the early settlement that one British leader took it upon himself to burn much of it to the ground to halt an outbreak of plague – but even in its second incarnation, Nairobi was a dense, dusty town, and a hub for all sorts of hedonistic behavior.

Still dense and dusty, modern Nairobi is the definition of urban sprawl

Part of the secret of Nairobi’s success, though, is precisely this rugged, almost frontier town feel. Nairobi has always held appeal as the gateway to the wilds of Kenya, and it began to attract tourists as soon as it was established. Many a classic author and countless well-heeled politicians made their way through the city on the hunt for big game, and the ego-boosting thrill of bringing home the largest rhino horn is widely documented. Most of the grand hotels and restaurants which dot the city center today were first established as bases for safari-goers, replete with leather furniture, menus stacked with exotic game, and copious supplies of whiskey.

Carnivore, one of the best-known restaurants in Nairobi, still captures this old-safari feel with a menu consisting of a true menagerie of flesh. Although it should be noted that their vegetarian options are surprisingly good, likely because they provide the culinary staff with a desired change of pace. The meat eaters among our group were treated to a feast which included at least a dozen different types of meat, including such exotics as crocodile, ostrich, and “prairie oysters.” No bush meat though – only farmed stuff. This meal completed Ethan’s “retox” after India.

Where the magic happens – adepts of animal flesh operating their grill pit

Meats are served churrasco-style, sawed directly onto the plate from a skewer

Since independence Nairobi has grown at breakneck speed, thanks in large part to the country’s perceived stability, especially relative to many other African countries – the city is home to the regional headquarters of numerous large multinationals, countless NGOs, and thousands of small service providers which cater to their every need. Tourism, too, is big business – although the rifles were long ago replaced by long-lens DSLRs, thousands of tourists still trot through town every year on their way to further-flung luxury safaris. But in spite of all of this, Nairobi remains miraculously wild. We were totally amazed when we visited Nairobi National Park, which sits right next to the heart of the city, and found a perfect, miniature slice of the African savanna, juxtaposed with the city skyline.

Just look at the size of those drumsticks!

Given the heat, most animals are pretty dormant during the day and safari-goers are advised to focus their attentions on the dawn or dusk hours. We got an early start and plunged into the Park, to great success.

The baboon brigade, in search of breakfast right inside the park gate

Also in search of breakfast. In reality, the females do most of the hunting, but the males are pretty good at looking glamorous along the way

You talkin’ to me?? Buffalo are some of the most dangerous animals in the bush given their massive size, propensity to charge people, and the utter imperviousness of their skulls to damage

I have the high ground!

Luscious lion food, garnished with grass – zebras are apparently the tastiest of all the many options on the savanna

This poor guy had survived a recent lion attack that took a chunk out of his leg, but he seemed to be managing quite well. Many of his fellows showed healed scars, suggesting that they often survive attacks

The Three Fates, at least for many of the prey animals

Can you spot the giraffe?

You’re interrupting my lunch!

Crudite, sans utensils

Rhinos are very rare and very skittish, so we were tremendously fortunate to spot this one so close to Nairobi. The pixelation attests to the limits of iPhone digital zoom

These mounds are the remains of illegal ivory that the Kenyan Government seized. The Government elected to burn the tusks as a public display of outrage over the ivory trade. Due to growing public disapproval and strong enforcement actions, poaching has been reduced, but sadly not eliminated

Although elephants are the only one of the “Big Five*” that don’t regularly appear in Nairobi National Park, we still managed to get our fill of adorable pachyderms that day at the David Sheldrick Wildlife Trust, an orphanage for elephants located on the border of the Park. Although elephants appear invincible, a surprising number of adults perish – some via poaching, but others die of starvation during dry periods or even fatally fall into holes – and any of their calves are unlikely to survive alone. The Trust takes in these orphans and raises them until they are old enough to join an existing herd, meanwhile instructing them in vital elephant skills like bathing, eating grass, and navigating the complex world of elephant social interactions.

You see, elephants are frighteningly intelligent and very community-focused animals that require a lot of instruction to become successful adults, much like humans and other primates. They regularly communicate, look out for each other, and even apparently mourn their dead. They also get anxious, especially the young ones. Consequently, each employee of the Trust is assigned to an orphan, and must spend many hours per day playing with and caring for it. They have to be around when it sleeps, and must sign up for a minimum commitment of some years since they can’t leave midway through an orphan’s upbringing. As a result, the Trust is able to successfully reintroduce its charges into the wild.

We were able to visit one of the daily feedings for the more than two-dozen orphans at the Trust. Visitors form a rectangle around the “feeding area” which is basically just a big mud pit with some toys, ringed with a rope. The elephants come running in, grab giant bottles of milk from their human “parents,” and then proceed to frolic around and pester bystanders for head scratches. It’s by far the cutest thing we’ve seen all year.

*The Big Five are: lions, leopards, Cape buffalo, rhinos, and elephants. They were the game animals that hunters came to Kenya to shoot in the past. Today, they are the main focus of novice safari-goers. We spotted three of these in Nairobi National Park, and saw all five later on in the Masai Mara.

This fellow escaped by ducking under the rope, and then proceeded to just lay there and wallow

Do your job, human, and scratch my ears

The wallowing pit. Jess fighting every urge to dive in

An Urban Safari

Perhaps inadvisedly given the smoke-belching traffic and the total lack of sidewalks, we spent several days exploring the city on foot (with congestion problems rivaling those of Mumbai, walking seemed preferable to being shut up in a hot car for hours on end). We were glad we chose to do it this way, since it gave us the chance to mingle with the full range of local residents, and duck into some seriously delicious streetside eateries.

The main convention center acts as a central focus for the city, with government and commercial buildings arrayed around it. Residents’ obsession with power suits is commendable given the equatorial heat

No suits for us! The view from the rooftop is quite impressive and extends in all directions

The statue of the much-revered Jomo Kenyatta, aptly known as “Father of the Nation”

Top of the highlight reel was an early weekend afternoon spend with our outgoing Filipina Airbnb host, who (aside from having three awesome cats, and teaching us about green mango with shrimp paste) seemed to know every street vendor in the area and delighted in making the introductions.

Touring the local market

Vendors commonly use an ingenious system whereby produce is pre-sorted by size and quality, and sold at a corresponding price – this means wastage is minimal

Every kind of grain, bean, and nut under the sun, doled out using recycled cans after a bit of friendly haggling. Freshly fried nuts are huge in Kenya, and sold on most street corners, but it’s better to make your own

A quick chapati break, served with the obligatory fried meat morsel

Likely the source of the above morsel…

If we hadn’t already heard about Nairobi’s reputation as “Nairobbery”, we could have guessed pretty quickly based on the high walls, electric fences winding through nicer neighborhoods, and the preponderance of security guards. By this point in the trip our clothes were very scruffy, and we brought a bare minimum of possessions out with us, but we still felt some anxiety when venturing out alone. We took heavy advantage of Uber and tried not to walk much after dark, and we fortunately didn’t encounter trouble of any sort.

One thing we noticed was that Kenyans (especially the guys) seem to be very careful about personal space. It was extremely rare to be bumped while walking, and people were quite respectful while waiting in queues – although a friendly arm on the shoulder was fairly common during conversations.

The Bush

The highlight of our time in Kenya was – no surprises here, folks – our time on safari. We spent a few days in the Maasai Mara, a huge game reserve that abuts the northern end of the famed Serengeti, which is over the border in Tanzania. The Mara is full of every sort of African megafauna, and during the wildebeest migration season, its river plays host to a colossal drama as thousands of wildebeests try to cross the swollen torrent without drowning or becoming crocodile food. The long drive to the Mara from Nairobi brought us over some stunning terrain, including our first view of the Rift Valley from the Kikuyu Escarpment, where the land changes from forest to savanna.

[Read this in a David Attenborough voice] Our first sighting of the famous Rift Valley, the cradle of humanity, stretching from Mozambique to the Middle East

Savanna selfie (you could probably see that one coming)

As we descended into the valley, we spotted these incongruous satellite dishes, which turn out to comprise the Longonot Teleport, which is one of the main satellite links for Sub-Saharan Africa

After several more hours of driving over increasingly bone-rattling roads, we finally arrived at our camp amidst a Maasai village right outside the park entrance of the Mara. Our guide Mike came from the village, and it was fascinating watching how he bridged the two worlds – chatting rapidly in English with us and updating his Facebook profile on his phone, but every evening heading home to his traditional village where he’d recently finished building his own house right next to the houses of his seven siblings. Upon arrival, he showed us around the local area, and we visited the schoolhouse while nervously making jokes about being stalked by lions, which are free to wander by whenever they choose to…

The school house is a tiny outpost of humanity amidst the stunningly overwhelming natural world

Jess surveying class schedules at the local Maasai school and suppressing shudders of grade-school stress

Peppering Mike with questions, mostly lion-related

Although it was strange to be sleeping in a little hut, listening to the sounds of the wilderness around us and watching the night guards’ flashlights bobbing past, we slept really well. And a good night’s sleep turned out to be very necessary, since we were expected to rise with the sun each day for our game drives – and keep going until dark. It’s very important to get started early since most of the animals are more active before it gets hot, and staying out late means you’re around when things start to get interesting again. We managed to see an amazing variety of stuff, thanks in no small part to the expertise and boundless energy of Mike and our other awesome guide, Julius. But we ended each day like kids after a particularly great birthday party, totally exhausted from an endless stream of excitement.

Sunrise over the Mara after a night punctuated by hyena yelps right outside the fence (which was five paces from the door to our room)

Even without any game, a game drive would be a fun day. You’re in a 4×4 going over rough terrain and fording rivers. More importantly, you can stand out of the rooftop hatches while scanning the horizon for movement, and thus live out your inner tank commander fantasy. Add a set of binoculars, and the slight competition of trying to spot things before others, and you have a pretty great time. Downsides are the constant bone rattling and the lack of toilets.

Early in the morning it’s still cold, except of course for those who are comfortably ensconced in a Maasai blanket (photo is a little shaky due to aforementioned bone rattling)

The law of the savanna is the same as the law of the jungle. It’s difficult to remain the slowest member of the herd for long

Make a “crossing the road” joke. I dare you

Pachyderm panorama

Gridlock around the watering hole

It appears you’ve caught me in an awkward position

Leopard spotting

‘Sup girl

Cape buffalo anatomy can be divided into two very different regions: At the front you find an innocent, slightly confused face holding two dim eyes and a jaw that chews contemplatively, deeply perplexed by everything. Immediately behind you find massive and well-honed terror horns, which can be propelled forward and swung at unearthly speed by half a ton of muscle that would be the envy of any superhero

The quickest, fluffiest death that’s out there

The hot middle hours of the day are used for photogenic repose in the shade, punctuated by the occasional ear twitch

Given the paucity of shade during the midday, lazy felines face the constant struggle to move with tree shadows as the sun shifts. It’s a tough life

The Mara River is the famously site of jaw-dropping wildebeest crossings during the migration months. We visited in the dry season, when the water level was much lower, but we still got to spot plenty of hippos

A couple hundred tons of death. Although you might not suspect it, hippos are actually the most dangerous animal in the bush and kill more people than any other. We like to think of them as manatees from hell, with bulletproof skin, the ability to hold their breath for many minutes, and a tendency to charge at surprising velocity towards the unwary in undulating waves of terror like adipose tsunamis

The babies are really cute though

All tuckered out, likely from terrorizing ungulates all night

Buffalo are pretty ferocious so it’s pretty rare to see lions eating them

Tenderloin tartare

Leopard in a high chair

Levitating leftovers – a leopard has dragged this wildebeest into the branches to prevent scavengers from getting to it